photo credit: James D. Schwartz via flickr

It’s counter intuitive to row a boat upstream.  All the effort with very little movement.

Visualize a small kayak battling white water rapids, trying to go upstream.  You feel the stress and the tension as they pull the oar through the water.  You want to yell at them, turn around and go the other way.

Navigating your life is the same story.

It’s an old cliche, about not rowing upstream in our lives, but still I do it and I see my clients do it every day.  Success has somehow been defined by work that stresses you out.  You are praised and rewarded as the stress increases.  Because you react to positive reinforcement by repeating the behaviors, you continue to do the things that stress you out.

If you truly want to start flowing downstream in your life, you have to drop the oars and turn the boat around.  Since stress=success in our society, this feels hard to do.  But let’s go back to the kayak example.

Our kayaker is paddling furiously up stream.  He’s getting tired.  His muscles ache.  His heart is pounding.  That’s a lot of hard work.  What if our kayaker decided to turn his boat around and pull his oars in?  Is that harder than all that paddling?

Pull Your Oars In

Take one area of your life where you have a lot of stress.  This week try doing things a little differently.  Try doing things in an easier way.  Pull your oars in and see how it feels.

For example, let’s say you were trying to lose weight.  You are stressed about getting to the gym and eating right.  What if this week, you chose a different physical activity.  Choose something you love to d; swim, run, hike.  Take the time you would go to the gym, and do that physical activity.  See how you feel afterward.

I’m not saying that success doesn’t include work.  What I am saying is that success doesn’t have to be stressful.  Even if you do have to put in extra hours, they don’t seem like a burden.

Once you are pointed downstream in this Current of Life, it is not necessary to put a motor on your boat in an attempt to go faster.  The Current will carry you…just let go of the oars.  ~ Abraham through Ester Hicks

photo credit: daedalust via flickr

Vacation Planning

I love planning for vacations.  This year I’m heading to Seattle, Michigan and possibly Ohio to visit family.

My sister and I talk about getting the “vacation feeling.”  You know what that is.  It’s the butterflies in your stomach when you think about your vacation.   As much as I love to dream about vacation, there comes a time when you have to commit.  Booking the flight can paralyze me.

The Doubts and Shoulds

As soon as I sit at my computer, all the “shoulds” come up.  I should take care of this and that before I go.  I should only go for 4 days because I have so much work to do.  Should I plan to go in the spring or fall?  What if I can’t get a good price, should I wait?  Should I take my computer and work or not?

The decision becomes even more complicated when the “doubts” show up to keep the “shoulds” company.  Can I afford it?  What will happen to the business when I’m gone?  I can’t go now, how about after that big project.  The internal dialogue is exhausting.

This can happen in your business as well.

Ever been faced with a great business opportunity or a breakthrough idea?  It meant taking the leap of faith, but it would be huge for your business.  Then the debate begins.

They’re Back.

Doubts and shoulds start to confuse the situation.  When the opportunity presented itself, you felt excited.  After a few moments with Doubt and Should, you’re not so sure.  Where do these guys come from?

They stem from your logical brain trying to make sense of the unknown.  Just like planning for vacation, your logical brain wants to fill in the gaps.  It wants black and white answers to the questions.  It doesn’t do well with grey.

One Step At A Time

There’s a lot of wisdom in that saying.  When you take things one step at a time, one day at a time, one decision at a time, you can move toward the business opportunity.  When you focus on all the stuff that has to happen, could go wrong, people who need to be involved, you’ll end up like me frozen staring at my computer trying to pick a flight for my next vacation.

Taking one step at a time allows you to keep the end result in mind.  It actually helps if you do.  But instead of getting overwhelmed, it keeps you focused.

Louise Hay author and founder of Hay House Publishing talks about her journey to creating Hay House.  It’s started with an idea for a small pamphlet to sell to metaphysical churches.  In her movie, You Can Heal Your Life she tells the story of how her and her 90 year old mother would do what was in front of them every day.  In time those small steps led to an international publishing company, internet radio station and the Hay Foundation.  If back in 1984, Louise tried to focus on all of this, I’m sure Doubt and Should would have created chaos.

Dream Big.  Act Today.

So dream big.  Whether it’s your next business move or vacation, think about the end result.  Then focus on just want you can get done today.  Focus on what’s in front of you, what’s presented to you.

Do any of you have a story when this worked for you?  Go ahead and share below.

photo credit: 9557815@N05 via flickr

The Sand and The Oyster

Once upon a time there was a tiny grain of sand looking for a place to rest.  It found the belly of his friend the oyster a perfect place to settle down.

The oyster didn’t like that a bit.  It itched.  The oyster tried to ask it to leave, but the little grain of sand was quite happy in it’s new home.

Being sly the oyster asked,  “What if I gave you a blanket?”

“Oh that would be nice.  You are such a gracious host,” said the oyster.

With that the oyster started covering the grain of sand with layer upon layer of  “blankets.”  Soon the little grain of sand was transformed into a beautiful pearl and the two lived harmoniously ever after.

The grains of sand in your life

Do you have grains of sand in your life?  Those little things that drive you crazy?

Maybe it’s the kids running around after school.  Maybe it’s living with your elderly parent (this is one of mine, I must confess).  Maybe it’s something at work.

What if you thought of those small irritants as pearls in the making?  The oyster had to change it’s perception of the little grain of sand.  Instead of thinking of it as an intruder, it welcomed it.  It made it comfortable and ultimately made himself comfortable as well.

I’m not recommending you coat your irritations with polyurethane.  Instead explore them.  Look at them in a different light.  When you do, you have the capability of transforming not only the irritant, but yourself in the process.

War Movies

One of my father’s favorite things to watch are war movies.  Up until a couple of years ago, I didn’t get it.  All the shooting, killing, yelling, stress.  Let’s just say it’s not my idea of spending a perfect two hours.

Then one day on vacation, I had a revelation.

My father was born in 1937.  He was only 4 years old when America went to war.  For the next 5 years, that’s was his world.

Think about the things that comfort you.  I’ll bet their origins were from the days when you were a small child.  Therefore, WWII was and probably is a comfort zone for my father.  He doesn’t see the killing going on.  He sees the heroes of his childhood playing their parts.

My father couldn’t serve in the military because of a medical condition.  He never experienced true warfare.  Therefore he watches the movies still as a child, not as an adult.  I’ll bet without even knowing it, he is reliving his childhood.

Now when he watches war movies, I have a bit more tolerance.  I understand where it’s coming from.  I understand why these movies mean something to my father.

The pearl is born. 

No longer are war movies an irritant.  I know I can watch something else when he wants to watch his movies.  I know they mean something different to him than to me.  I’ve accepted it.  Blessed it an moved on.  I’ve started to create a pearl.

What if the irritant is you?

Believe it or not, the irritant is always you.  You are the oyster.  It’s your smooth muscle that itches and aches.  The sand wasn’t bothering anyone on the beach.  It’s when it took up residence in the oyster that things changed.  The difference is you.

Sometimes, however, something that never bothered you before can become  irritant.  This is because you’ve changed in someway. You’ve changed your likes, habits, motivations, whatever and what was once comfortable, now has become an irritant.

What do you do?

The answer is still the same.  You need to look at it from a different perspective.  Bless it.  Move on.  The worse thing you can do is mull it over and over.  That creates more irritation, less relief.

Notice what seems to rub you the wrong way.  Then start to look at it from a different perspective.  Notice the changes in the irritation.  Beware of your brain wanting to rehash the situation.  Let that go and begin to look at things new.

Make this the year of creating beautiful pearls.

photo credit: barbtrek via flickr

Where there is great love there are always miracles. – Willa Cather

Who is your greatest love?

Did the question bring a smile to your face?  Who did you think of?  Your child.  Your husband/wife.  Your best friend.  Your sister/brother.

Who said themselves?  Go ahead raise your hand.

Loving Yourself Is The Greatest Love

Love for yourself is the cornerstone of every great love.  Without it, you can lose your sense of self, your dreams, your spark of life.  With it you find more love in everyone else.

Love Is Not Boastful

Loving yourself can sound foreign, even vain.  Let’s stop that notion right here.  Sure there are people who love themselves for the wrong reasons.  When you scratch the surface, they don’t know what love is.  They think it’s about looking good, being the best, or having the most money.  In essence, none of those matter to your inner self.

Truly loving yourself means embracing everything you are right now.  Do you look in the mirror and say, “You’re perfect just the way you are?”

Or is everything wrong?

Love Does Not Judge

Try the opposite today.  Every time you think a negative thought about yourself.  Stop in the moment.  Apologize and give yourself a little Valentine’s Day hug.  If this is hard to do, think of the person in your life who loved you unconditionally.  Imagine they are beside you all day today cheering you on.  I’ll bet by noon, you’ll feel like a different person.

Here’s another loving thing you can do for yourself.  It came from a moving meditation we did at my yoga class.

Stand up tall.  Place your hands in prayer at your heart.  Slowly reach your arms up above your head.  Continue to bring your arms around in a big circle, arching back a bit, heart toward the sky.  As you bring your arms close to your body, turn the palms up and scoop up the energy from the earth and bring it back to your heart.  Hands close in prayer at your heart. 

Put on some beautiful music and continue this flowing movement for one full song.  You’ll feel as light as a bird at the end.

Your Valentine’s Day

Let’s change the notion of Valentine’s Day to make sure in includes some self love.  A friend reminded me last night how much I love the fragrance of Star Gazer Lilies.  I plan on picking some up between appointments as a gift for myself.

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.  ~ Lucille Ball

I propose a toast.  Raise your champagne glass and toast the wonderful love of your life, you!

photo credit: bfhoyt via flickr

Okay, I confess…

There are a few things absolutely I LOVE.  They’re simple pleasures.  Taking time for them makes me feel whole.  Leaving them out of my life makes me feel like I’m living another person’s life.

Here’s what I’m crazy about:

• Wandering through the grocery store.  Maybe I’m trying to figure out a recipe.  Maybe I’m checking out what’s new.  The other day I wandered around a special grocery store and came out with fresh bread, wine, green mint tea, and select soy sauce.  The check out guy must have thought I was nuts.   No just happy.
• Going to the library.  Ah!  Even better than the book store because you can get as many books as you like.  On the same day I had that lovely grocery experience I meandered into the library.  I couldn’t stop smiling.  Yes, I walked out with 10 books!  But they know me there and that’s normal.

•  Writing.  Writing is like breathing for me.  If I’m not writing, I feel less alive.  It doesn’t have to be profound stuff.  Yesterday I updated an e-book and that was enough to satisfy.  I just have to write.  My goal 2000 words per day.
• Reading.  Since the beginning of the year, I’ve rediscovered my passion for reading.  No surprise because of my library addiction.  Like you, I just forget to make time.  My goal this year was a book a month.  I’m already into my fourth  book for the year (and this doesn’t include cookbooks)
• Cooking.  This is something else I “put on the back burner” when things get too busy.  I love the creative process of putting flavors together that meld into something new.  When done properly, it involves all the senses.

This exercise of discovering what you love is an important one.  Without it the result is living the life someone else wants you to live.

What do you love?  Fresh flowers?  Walks in the park?  Sun after a rain?  I would love to hear what you discover.

photocredit: jonnygoldstein via Flickr

“I told myself, ‘Don’t spill the soup.  Don’t spill the soup.  Don’t spill the soup.’  What do you think happened?  I spilled the soup!”

Does that ever happen to you?  You tell yourself something you don’t want happen and WHAM exactly what you didn’t want to happen happens.

The Public Speaker

Or how about this.  You’re scheduled to speak in front of a group.  You hate public speaking.  You tell yourself over and over how much you hate public speaking.  You tell your friends too.  You dread the event the entire week before.  It’s even causing you to lose sleep.

The day of the event arrives. You feel nauseous all day and even think of cancelling.  When they introduce you, your knees go weak and your palms go sweaty.  Somehow you stumble through the event.

Afterwards, you beat yourself up for your performance.  You mispronounced the president’s name, they didn’t laugh at your jokes, and you skipped at least three slides in your presentation.  You confirm it.  You aren’t good at public speaking.

Self-fulfilling prophecy

You think about 60,000 thoughts per day which equates to about 42 thoughts per minute.  If most of those thoughts are focused on an area, you create a perception of an event, situation, person, etc. because you imprint a picture of it on your brain.

Your left brain is creating the words and your right brain is creating the picture.  Therefore you are fully engaging your brain in this process, which makes it very powerful.

Ultimately when you focus on something long enough, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Many of us unconsciously create dramas in our minds, expecting the worst from a situation only to have our expectations become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Inadvertently we become authors of our own misfortune.  ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance

Stop the Drama

It’s easy to get caught up in the drama.  Once you do, it feeds on itself.  What I try to do in my life and with my clients is to interrupt the cycle and replace it with a positive drama.

Think about it.  What if you could take something you’re dreading and turn it into something you’re excited for?  Doesn’t that sound like a better plan?

Here’s the Deal

When you replace the negative pictures with positive images, your brain automatically starts to see clues to this new reality and changes your perspective of the situation.  It does take a leap of faith and full commitment to the new image.  Meaning you have to believe it down to your toes.  No doubt.  No slipping back in to the drama.

Tips to Get Started

This takes a bit of practice.  Here’s what I’ve learned helps.

• Start small.  Don’t tackle saving the world.  Focus on a small drama that repeats itself.  (the soup example is a good one).
• Keep it simple.  The brain likes simple commands.
• Watch out for negative positives.  This would be something like, “I’m not smoking on break.”  What the brain hears is I’m smoking.  You are still bringing up smoking.  A better replacement would be, “I’m taking a walk on break.”  Do you see how that changes the picture.

Back to Our Speaker

What if she replaced, “I hate public speaking” with “I enjoy public speaking?”  As she continued to think about the event she saw the audience loving her speech, if she skips a slide there are people there to help her, and she feels calm before the event.

I can guarantee her performance, and her post evaluation would be 180 degrees different.  Now instead of her brain being full of negative pictures it’s full of positive pictures and that’s what it will focus on during the event.

Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

What drama will you stop today?

photo credit jimmiehomeschoolmom via flickr

Today take a real risk that can change your life: start thinking of yourself as an artist and your life as a work-in-progress.  Works-in-progress are never perfect…Art evolves.  So does life.  Art is never stagnant.  Neither is life. ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

The Artist

An artist starts with a blank canvas, page, or mound of clay.  There is only an idea.  In some cases it’s a notion or a sketch that inspires them to dip their paint brush into the bright red paint.

From there they let the design take it’s course.  They can’t plan what it will look like in the end.  They have an idea, but then allow inspiration to direct their next step.

My Writing Process

As a writer, I know I can have the best laid plans for an article, short story or even the book I’m working on.  Once my fingers start typing, however, something different almost always comes out.

I’m inspired by a quote I hadn’t read before.  A picture I hadn’t seen.  Even an email can send me in a direction I hadn’t planned.  As Stephen King writes in his book,  On Writing (One of my favorites by the way.  My copy is dogeared, highlighted and scribbled in which is why I’ve included an affiliate link):

I want you to understand that my basic belief about the making of stories is that they pretty much make themselves.  The job of the writer is to give them a place to grow.

This is a perfect example of that in action.  I hadn’t planned on using that quote before I started writing this article.  As the article developed, it seemed natural it should be included.

Artist In Your Life

When you accept you are the artist of your life, everything seems possible.  You’re more willing to take chances, trust your intuition and allow situations to flow into your life that a moment before seems inconceivable.

Every day you’re presented with “two roads diverged in the wood.”  It’s safer to take the road that is well worn.  It feels comfortable.  It feels safe.

It also feels unconscious.

But it never seems to be the right time.

You’ll start a family, business, new relationship once you have enough money.  You’ll spend more time with your parents, potential customers and friends when you have more time.  You’ll start writing, painting, playing the flute when you retire.

Waiting for the right time or the perfect conditions is keeping you caught the crossroads.  When you get to the intersection, you stop hesitate for a bit, then proceed down the well worn path.  There are some crossroads were you languish longer.  Even some where you might be paralyzed with the choice.

Here’s a Hint

There is no perfect time.  There are no perfect conditions.  There is only here and now.

When you get to the crossroads and pause, ask yourself, what’s the worse thing that could happen if I explored a less traveled path?  You know you want to, so go ahead and take a step, even if the time seems to be a little off.

Here’s what Joseph Campell had to say about following your bliss:

If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are—if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time

Sounds pretty good right? Who knows you may discover something great.  Here are some pointers from experienced travelers such as Wayne Dyer, Stephen King, Sarah Ban Breathnach, Oprah, Julia Cameron, Napoleon Hill, Jack Canfield, Marcia Weider, and Lynn Robinson on how to “follow your bliss:”

• Set aside quiet time every day to go within and listen.
• Trust your gut.  When you get a nudge in a direction take it.
• Commit fully to the process.
• Dedicate time.  When you show up every day it becomes the place you should be.
• Trust yourself, always.
• Learn from your mistakes.  Don’t sit around and lick your wounds.
• Your fear is only your ego trying to protect you.  Thank it and then move on.

So how will you become an artist in your own life?  Believe in yourself.  Take the first step.  Even if the path is unclear, continue to move in the direction that feels right.

photo credit: nkashirin via flicrk

Where do you find quiet space?

This isn’t a rhetorical question.  I’m truly curious.

I used to find quiet space in my home.  Either I dedicated a corner of my office, living room, even my kitchen and had quiet space.  It was where I read, wrote, and meditated.  It’s where I found balance in the craziness of things.

Since my father moved in over a year and a half ago, I lost that space.  Now I feel constantly open.  There’s no place to just be.

Only when the clamor of the outside world is silenced will you be able to hear the Deeper Vibration. – Sarah Ban Breathnach.

I realize how lucky I was in the past.  How easy it was for me to say to friends, just find a quiet spot and meditate.  Now I realize it’s not always that easy. I can empathize.  Even today when I have the house to myself, there’s still a lingering energy that doesn’t allow me to be quiet.

So I’m looking for suggestions.  We are all busy.  Where do you find your quiet space? How do you carve out the much needed time to reflect?

Love to hear from you.

photo credit: mrsdkrebs via flickr

Lunch

A friend and I had lunch the other day.  It was the usual lunch talk – what’s new in our businesses, new projects we’re working on, and a general what’s going on.

We got on the subject of writing.  I said how I was so in the flow this week that at one point I forgot to even go to the bathroom.  My friend laughed.  She knew just what I meant.

We talked about other things that cause us to lose all space and time.  As she said, these were our true strengths coming through.

True Strengths

I hadn’t thought about it in a while, but she’s right.  When we’re so deeply engaged in something we lose track of the physical world, we are tapping into our strengths, our authentic selves, our passions.  When writing I’ve even been known to put my headphones on and forget to turn on the music.  Hours can go by before I notice.

Why don’t we live in this world all the time?

As Sarah Ban Breathnach put it “it’s simply because you haven’t evolved to a higher plane of existence yet.”  I know when I get caught in the mundane tasks of the day and hour can feel like an eternity.  That certainly isn’t evolved.

How can we start to live more enlightened…in the flow?

Conscious Living.

Conscious living means being in the present moment.  Reducing the mind clutter.  Knowing what’s happening around you.  Giving thanks.  Most of all participating.  For example, taking a walk in nature and being mindful of the beauty around you is conscious living.  Watching a re-run on television, unconscious living.

If you’re like me, you float in and out of conscious living.  That’s okay. Remember it’s about the journey.  As you take one step close to conscious living, celebrate!  It’s one step closer than yesterday.

The key is to try to not to go unconscious.  When pulled in that direction remember Marianne Williamson’s words

While we wait, we must not go unconscious.  We must think and grow.  Rejoice and dream, but kneel and pray.  There is holiness in the air today…Start laughing, girls.  We have a new calling.”

phot credit: chynyj via flickr

When I was at Starbucks, we had a class called Communicating Coffee.

In the class the Starbucks employees (partners) learned how to properly brew coffee for the best taste, what coffee was all about and then tasted coffee, lots of coffee.

No matter how many classes I taught, when I asked the class what they tasted, the answer was…coffee.  I even remember sitting in my first coffee tasting class thinking the same thing.  The district manager who facilitated my class talked about “citrus notes,” “earthy,” “mushrooms.”  I didn’t get any of that.

Changed Approach

I started asking different questions that made all the difference.

First I asked what they didn’t like about the coffee.  I heard things like, “It’s too heavy,” “it’s acidic,” or “it tasted like dirt.”  Then I congratulated the class.

Why?

By telling me what they didn’t like about the coffee, they were identifying flavor profiles in the coffee, they just didn’t know it.  It’s always so much easier to identify what you don’t like rather than what you like.  I capitalized on this and soon the coffee tastings gained momentum.

Next step.

Next I ran through a list of flavors and asked them if they tasted them in the coffee.  I chose flavors that were exaggerated so there was an easy yes or no.  This was a trick I learned from wine tasting.

Again the class engaged.  They could easily say if something tasted lemony or not.  The could also pick out the chocolate notes as soon as I mentioned it, but not before.  This is because sometimes we recognize something but because it’s out of place, we don’t place it right away.

What do you like?

This isn’t just a technique for coffee (or wine) tasting.  It’s a process you can use to identify what you truly love in your life.  Here’s an activity based on today’s Simple Abundance post where you can put this to work.

1. Plan an excursion where you just go browsing.  Sarah suggests going somewhere you’ve never been before.
2. Choose a store.
3. Wander through and ask yourself what you don’t like.
4. Notice what stands out that you don’t like.  Make some notes in a small notebook
5. Go to another store.
6. In this store jot down in your notebook what catches your eye.  Don’t judge.  It doesn’t matter if it would never fit into your home today.  Just pick out the things you like.  Not them in your notebook.

Do this activity a couple times.  Soon you’ll have a list of what you like and what you don’t like.  Notice how each list makes you feel.

Bringing It Home

Once you feel comfortable with your list, do the activity in your own home or office.  Notice what you like and what you don’t like.  It will become clear after you do the browsing activities.

I do this activity at least once a year with my biggest (ongoing) project, the basement.  I haven’t conquered it yet, but it’s in the plans for 2012.  That’s where a lot of  my “I don’t likes” have landed.  It’s amazing when I root through the basement for something how many things I find that I’m keeping because it was my grandmother’s or was something I grew up with.

When we moved my father a couple years ago, my sister and I came across a trunk of baby clothes.  In it were things both she and I wore as infants.  My mother kept those under the guise of we would use them someday.  Instead they moved from house to house, never being touched.

My sister and I went through the trunk and oh’d and ah’d over the clothes, but we both realized they weren’t anything we wanted to hold onto any more.  Some were donated and some just dumped, but over all we felt a release when we did the activity.

Creating Awareness

When you do the browsing activity, or even cleaning out the basement using these techniques, you develop an awareness of what you love.  Not what your mother liked.  Not what the television ads say you must have, but you’ll find what resonates with you.  You can do this activity not just with things in your home, but clothes in your closet, music, books, etc.

The ultimate result is a feeling of empowerment in your environment.  You’ll fee as though you have arrived home.  What a nice feeling to have don’t you think?  Let me know if you try this activity and what you find you like.

Perhaps loving something is the only starting place there is for making your life your own. ~ Alice Koller