Last week I blogged about how WORDS can become SWORDS.  It’s important to remember not only that words affect others, but they also affect ourselves.   

On Saturday I was in the grocery store.  As the clerk scanned my bananas, she rotely said, “Hi….How are you?“ not even bothering to look up.   

“I’m fastastic!  Thanks for asking.  How about you?”  I replied.  Well, you’d thought I insulted her or something.  She stopped scanning, looked up and just glared at me.  What…what did I say? 

The point is, I choose to answer “fastastic!” because it reinforces not only how I’m feeling, but how I want to feel.  There are days I don’t start out feeling fantastic, but after a few of these interactions, I’m feeling pretty good. 

It can work the other way too.  If I choose the words “I can’t,” then I won’t.  When I lived in Seattle, I wanted to visit Hawaii.  First I said “I can’t” because I was working all the time.  Then I said “I can’t” because I was figuring out my life.  Finally I said “I can’t” because I was moving back to Boston.  Guess who still hasn’t been to Hawaii.   This week’s assignment:  When someone asks you how you are, choose the best word you can to relfect an upbeat attitude.  Watch what happens.  Then record three examples of goals you did or didn’t achieve because of your words.   

 If you missed last week’s assignment, it is posted on Life Simplified   

I dare you not to think of the ocean.  Don’t think about the blue sky or the warmth of the sun on your face.  Don’t listen to sound of the waves crashing onto the sand or the seagulls calling to each other above your head.    What happened? 

If you weren’t thinking about the ocean when you started this blog, I bet you are now.  That’s the power of words.  Words create images.  Those images can affect our reality.  

Did you hear the ocean?  Did you feel the warmth of the sun?  When we attach other senses to words, our brain can not distinguish between what’s real and what’s not.  I was sitting in my office with snow flying outside when I wrote this.  That didn’t stop me from feeling the summer sun.  For that moment, my reality was standing on a beach not the winter wonderland outside my window.

Word by word you build reality.  Word by word you affect other’s realities.  When my nephews say “I love you” or “I missed you” or even better “I’m glad you’re here,” my whole world changes.  If I was in a bad mood before that, those simple words can put me in the best mood. In Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.’s book Prescriptions for Living he talks about a picture his son, Stephen had done.  The only thing on the canvas was…

WORDSWORDSWORDSWORDS

Here’s a quote from the book:

“I hung the picture up and from time to time I look at it and think about the power of words and swords.  Both can be used to injure or to heal.  A scalpel can wound a vital organ or it can drain an abcess.  A cruel word can destroy a life, and a kind word can heal one.”

How are you using your words with yourself and others?

Last week you recorded your positive and negative thoughts.  Those thoughts are words either helping or hindering your goals.     This week’s assignment: Take 20 minutes and imagine what your life looks like when you achieve your goal.  Record the key words that trigger the image.   

This is a guest blog from Leo Babauta of Zen Habits because I couldn’t say it any better!  Wishing you happiness!

The Single Secret to Making 2009 Your Best Year Ever

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.

I was sitting here at my computer, pondering whether I wanted to write a post with tips about “making 2009 your best year ever”. It’s been done, and most of my tips you’ve already read before on Zen Habits.

I made a small list of things I’d recommend to anyone wanting to make 2009 their best year ever … coming up with a single life-changing goal, creating a mantra for that goal to keep them on track, simplifying their lives, making time for loved ones and themselves, learning to be in the moment … all of these are great tips, and I could come up with a dozen more that would really help people if they wanted to make positive changes.

But then I realized that there’s just one tip that’s needed. And it’s not a tip you’ll read in most personal development, productivity or self-help blogs or books.

That’s because if you implemented this one tip, you wouldn’t really need any others. It would put all of us out of business.

So, because I enjoy writing personal development posts and books for you guys, I’m counting on you to NOT actually implement this, and to keep needing other tips I give you in the future.

Kidding of course! Go ahead, put me and all the rest of ‘em out of business. I’d rather have you happy and successful, and look for another job, knowing that I did something good.

So what’s that single secret, the one thing that will not only make 2009 your best year ever, but put personal development and self-help bloggers and authors out of business?

Are you sure you’re ready to hear it?

OK, you’re ready. Here goes:

Stop waiting for happiness. Happiness is right here, right now.

Sounds too simple, but if you haven’t realized this, and put it into action, it can have an amazing effect on your life. Today. Right now.

My Life of Waiting

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to become an adult. Oh, the freedom! Becoming an adult would bring me happiness. I couldn’t wait.

When I became an adult, I couldn’t wait to get a good job. That would surely bring happiness. I couldn’t wait. When I got a good job, I couldn’t wait to get a raise. When I got a raise, I couldn’t wait to get married. When I got married, I couldn’t wait to buy a nicer car. Got the car, then I couldn’t wait to buy a house.

When I bought the house, I couldn’t wait to … get out of debt.

I could go on for quite awhile, but you get the point. None of my desires ever produced happiness, because I was stuck in the mindset of wanting more. When I got what I wanted, I wanted something else. My happiness was always on hold, because I was waiting to reach a goal.

Waiting for happiness.

On Goals and Desires

It’s good to have goals. I have them — it’s a part of living and working. But how much are you investing in your goals? How much of your happiness is based on your goals?

It’s also natural to have desires, but if your life is a series of desires, one after the other, and everything in you is in pursuit of those desires, you will always be striving for happiness, waiting for it.

Instead, remember: Stop waiting for happiness. Happiness is right here, right now.

Feel free to pursue goals, and desires … but don’t make your happiness dependent on them. Don’t think of happiness as something you’ll have once X happens (whatever X is right now for you).

Life is a Journey - Enjoy It!

So how do you go for goals and still have happiness right here, right now? By remembering that the important thing isn’t the destination … it’s the journey!

Remember that, always: the journey is the most important thing. Not the goal. Not the ending point.

Think about it: if you are only happy once you reach a goal, what about all the time you spend getting to the goal? That’s much more of your life than actually being at the goal. If you’re only happy when you’re at the destination, you’ll be unhappy most of the time.

What’s more, if you are stuck in that mindset, when you reach your destination, you won’t actually be happy — you’ll be looking toward your next destination.

Instead, remember: Stop waiting for happiness. Happiness is right here, right now.

How do you enjoy the journey? By appreciating life in its fullness, its wonderfulness. By not looking so much toward the future, but focusing on the present moment, right here, right now. By looking around you, and realizing that everything you need for happiness is already here!

Everything You Need for Happiness

What do you need to be happy? Do you need a fancy car and a mansion and millions of dollars? If you could have every single desire granted to you right now, would you be happy then?

Or can you be happy now, with what you have?

Can you look at the gorgeous sky, and realize what a miracle it is? Can you look at a sunset, a forest, a flower, a child, and realize the miracle of each of these things? You probably can, if you take the time to look at them fully.

And then you might realize that your eyes are a miracle, and that they allow you to see each of these other miracles. If you have your eyes, you have all you need for happiness.

What if you are blind? Can you taste chocolate, or strawberries, or cinnamon, or tears, and realize what a miracle those things are? Can you hear Mozart, or John Lennon, or Jack Johnson, and have your soul fill up with happiness? Then you already have all you need for happiness.

All you need is the present moment: spend time with a loved one, talk with a friend, watch a funny movie, go swimming in refreshing water, smell fresh baked bread, go for a walk or a run, curl up with a good book, cuddle on a rainy day, give and receive a hug.

It’s true — this is the only thing you need to know: Stop waiting for happiness. Happiness is right here, right now.

But … What About My Goals?

Should you give up your goals for 2009, now that you’ve decided to be happy now? Nah. Go ahead and pursue those goals, but remember to enjoy the journey. Consider:

• Losing weight. Will you only be happy after you’ve lost weight and are slim and trim? When you have the perfect body? Screw that! Make it an enjoyable journey — exercise can be a lot of fun! Eating clean, healthy food can also be incredible, once you learn to enjoy it! Enjoy the journey to health and the great body will only be a side benefit.
• Getting productive. Do you have a desire to crank through your to-do list, stop procrastinating, and knock down your projects, one after the other? Well, that’s good, but realize that your to-do list will never ever be completed, nor will your project list. They’re never ending, and in fact they’re supposed to be that way. So you’ll never reach a destination here — all you have is the journey! Learn to enjoy your work - every minute of it — and productivity will come naturally.
• Learning a new skill. Whether you want to learn French, or to play the trombone, or to master Jeet Kune Do, will you only be happy once you’ve learned the skill? No! Learn to love the learning process! It’s an exploration not only of new territory, but of yourself. It’s wonderful.
• Simplifying. Do you want to get rid of clutter? Will you be happy only when you’ve gotten rid of all excess things? No! Enjoy the process of decluttering — it’s one of my favorite pasttimes! Imagine that I’m there next to you, enjoining you to “TOSS IT!” with a wildly cheerful voice.
• Writing a book. Do you want to write the Great American Novel? Don’t wait until you’re done to enjoy the book … love each moment you can spend writing. It’s a miracle.

What are you waiting for before you become happy? Can you find happiness right now, in this moment? Let us know in the comments!
—
Elsewhere:

• Why Less is More: Interview with Leo Babauta of Zen Habits.
• The Power of Less: An Interview with Leo Babauta

—
If you liked this article, please share it on del.icio.us or StumbleUpon. I’d appreciate it.

As you know I started Life Simplified in Seattle in 2007.  At that time I sat down and asked, ”what do I need to do to be successful?”  The answer was move back to Boston.  So it did.  It was the best decision I could have made.

In February of 2008, again I asked “what do I need to do to be successful?”  This time the answer was to help someone every day and to learn something new every day.  By doing these, my personal life and business have grown exponentially.    

“What do I need to do to be successful?” is powerful question.  It moves you from thinking to doing, and opens the door to creative opportunities.  

To maintain a positive focus toward my goals, I use several tools.  I’ve been using these tools for over 10 years.  At first it was uncomfortable incorporating them into my daily routine, but now it’s uncomfortable to have a day without them.

A Daily Journal - Based on The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, I write in my journal every morning when my mind is fresh.  I use it to vent, explore and discover.  I highly recommend this activity for everyone.  

A Gratitude Journal - This is from Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  Creating a gratitude list everyday creates awareness to the abundance in your life.   

A Goal/Dream Journal - I love this journal because this is where I dream.  I write my goals out in detail creating a picture in my mind that I go back to often.

So what do you need to do to be successful?  To support your journey to success, I will be sending out weekly activities in the Life Simplified newsletter.  To receive it sign up here.  There will also be tools and resources added weekly to the Life Simplified website.

If you don’t know where to start, go to the website and complete the Week One Assignment.  This will open your eyes to what you are saying to yourself about your goals. 

I’d love to hear what tools you use to maintain positive momentum toward your goals.  Let me know.

Well, hello everyone. 

December was a month of internal reflection.  A year ago, Christmas Eve, my mother passed away.  After Thanksgiving, I realized, my priority needed to be the care of myself, my family and my friends.  I put everything else aside.   

Over the last five weeks, I experienced healing, transforming love.  When I awoke this New Year’s morning, I felt the beginning of a new life.  The fog had lifted and my heart was full. 

This renewed focus has affected my personal and professional goals for 2009.  So many people have said “I hope 2009 is better than 2008.”  Hoping is nice, but doing will make it happen.

In 2009, I’ve committed myself to optimism and love.  If we attract what we believe, I choose optimism and love over fear, doubt and worry. 

My first step is monitoring my negative thoughts.  Even though I know negative thoughts are toxic, I admit I often listen. These voices wear me out and tear me down.  Ultimately they keep me from reaching my potential.  This year, I choose to hear only the positive self affirming thoughts and will forgive myself when I listen to the opposite.

Next, I plan to use Life Simplified as a forum to share other’s optimism.  I’ll do this through the newsletter, Friday Inspiration, planned speaking engagements, and scheduled continuing education classes. 

My new Simply Success Groups offer the opportunity to share optimism face to face. I believe there is nothing more contagious than positive energy shared between people.  Put 7 people in a room with this contagious energy and watch amazing things happen.

Let me know what you are optimistic about in 2009.  I can’t wait to hear what you have to say.

You can sign up for the Life Simplified Newsletter or updates here.   Talk to you soon.

The goal, however, is not to spend as little money as possible, or do as little environmental damage as possible or any other worthy thing; it’s to have as much fun as possible.  
Bill McKibben, Hundred Dollar Holiday 

Are you stressed about what to give for the holidays? 

Has your list grown larger than your bank account? 

 

 

Think about your favorite holiday gift.  What made it special?  What memories do you have of it?  What memories do you have of the person who gave it to you? 

The best gifts come from the heart.  They usually aren’t fancy or expensive.  They are just filled with love.  When you give from the heart, however, you become vulnerable which is why convenience is chosen over love.  This year choose love and I’ll bet the other person knows it before they open the gift. 

Kids are great at this.  My youngest nephew made a 2008 calendar for my brother-in-law last Christmas.  Each month he drew a picture of himself doing something for that month.  He used a cut out copied picture of his face for each drawing.  Every month he was swimming, playing baseball, celebrating his birthday, or whatever with the same big smile.     

The calendar didn’t take more than a couple crayons, a blank calendar and twelve colored copies of his face.  The rest came from the heart.  My nephew worked hard to think of twelve different scenes that matched the month and then draw them.  

So when someone asks you “What do you want for Christmas?” think about your answer.  Think about what would warm your heart.  Use the ideas for those on your gift list.  To get started ask yourself the following questions about the people on your list.  Get a small notebook you can carry around where you can record your answers and then have them with you while you shop. 

What is this person’s style?  Are they contemporary or country?  (A great clue is to think about how they decorate their house.)

How do they spend their time?

Where do they like to shop? 

What big accomplishment happened this year for them? You can frame a wedding invitation, make a collage of a final football season or put together a photo album.  

What have you noticed them talking a lot about?

Is there a ”gift of time” you could give them? A girl’s day out together, lunch during January, a weekend of babysitting, or a special concert - my sister did this for me and we cried the whole time. 

Is there something they’ve always wanted? You might not be able to give them exactly what they want, but maybe you can meet them halfway. 

Here are some great resources for planning your holiday gift giving: 

Hundred Dollar Holiday by Bill McKibben

Celebrate Green by Cory Colwell-Lipson and Lynn Colwell

Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach

Romancing the Ordinary by Sarah Ban Breathnach

This year think outside of the “gift box.”